Last Night

It has finally hit me. In less than 12 hours I will be the mother of not one, but two, beautiful girls (I can only assume Hannah will be as beautiful as Grace). I am very nervous and very excited. I have held together pretty well today. We tried to make it another fun day for Gracie doing all the chores and business stuff during nap time. She got to go on a bike ride with Daddy this morning before going to open gym (her favorite thing to do). After open gym she got to pick out a special candy treat from the store. When she woke up from her nap we went to the ducky pond. She was really excited for this since we had to take it off our list of activities for yesterday due to the rain. Then granny and Poppy arrived and Grace and I played outside while Daddy made dinner. We have tried to make today as normal as possible for her. Each time we asked what was happening tomorrow she told us exactly how everything was going to go. "Thee doctor is going to cut baby Hannah out and Granny and Poppy are going to take Gracie to the hospital to see Mommy and baby Hannah." This morning she was laying in bed with us and We asked her where baby Hannah was going to come from and she pointed to the ceiling. We said "Is she coming from Heaven?" and Gracie smiled and said "Yes". It was a very sweet moment.

So, tomorrow is the big day. I am less freaked out this time than I was last, but I am certainly starting to feel a bit emotional. I pray everything will go well with the surgery which I think is my biggest concern. Last night Zach and I talked about how different it felt this time around and he made a good point that this time we are not making a transition into being parents. We have already been parents for 2 1/2 years so that part is not so scary. I think he is right. I am not worried about being a parent to Hannah, but I am worried about how being a parent to her may change my being a parent to Grace. I hope I am able to continue to do it as well as I would like to. I have always worried about the guilt I would feel when I could no longer give Grace all of my attention 100% of the time and I though I might have gotten past that but as it approaches I find I am still very worried. I realize there is nothing I can do about it now but pray about it and try my very best.