One Week Old

Well Hannah is a week old now. Technically a week and one day. We have been home since Saturday night (it is now Friday Morning). She is such a wonderful baby. She is very mellow and easy going. She has a hot temper (like the rest of her family) but is easily consoled. For the most part she sleeps and eats. Those seem to be her two modes. When she is awake, which has become a little more often each day, she just sits and watches what is happening around her. We don't really have much of a schedule at this point. She seems to have a few hours of awake time in the morning and a few in the evening. She eats when she is hungry or when I wake her up because she has been asleep too long. Today I am going to try to stick to every three hours so that we can both know what to expect. We will see how this goes. Nights can be difficult. She wakes up every three hours or so to eat but then is sometimes hard to put back down. Half the time I can just put her back to bed and she will fall right asleep, but the other half it takes considerably more work.

We went to the pediatrician on Wednesday for a weigh in. Hannah had lost about 13oz in the hospital and her doctor and the lactation consultant were both very worried. They had me so scared that she was going to starve! On Saturday and Sunday I was feeding her every single time she showed any interest in sucking on something even if it was only for a few minutes at a time. By Sunday afternoon my milk came in. Hannah is pretty good at nursing which has been a pleasant surprise but doing it every hour or so was torture on my body. Anyway, when we went in to the Pediatrician's office Hannah had gained back 10oz. Dr. Geisler said she was doing beautifully and that I did not need to worry, she was getting plenty of food. That made me feel so much better. Our next stop was the lactation consultant. I was having a lot of pain when Hannah would start nursing and wanted to make sure that I was doing everything correctly before I got into bad habits. I am glad I went because Miffy said I had done some major damage to my body. She gave us a few tools for better feedings and sent us on our way with a followup appointment scheduled for next week. Things have been feeling better since then which is good because Tuesday night I sat crying saying "I don't want to do this" over and over again. Ah, the joys of new motherhood.

We have been trying to get out of the house for a little while each day. This seems to help with my overall mood and keeps me from feeling the full blown effects of my raging hormones. On Monday we paid bills and bought diapers. I know this sounds insignificant but it was the first time I have ever bought two boxes of diapers in different sizes. It was a real, "wow I am a mom" moment for me. I'm not sure why. Tuesday went to the bookstore where Gracie got to pick out a new book and I got her a Big Sister book. I thought about trying to find a book for Hannah to commemorate her birth but thought I should probably wait until I was feeling a little more stable. One nice thing this time around is that at least when i start to feel weepy I can recognize it for what it is, hormones! With Grace I was so shocked by my sadness that I ahd no idea what to do with it. I had never imagined I would feel sad. I had wanted her so badly it never occured to me that I would have anything but joy after she was born. When the hormones kicked in and I found myself crying over everything I was really suprised and unsure of what to do. I would hold her and cry, thinking to myself that she would never be this exact person again and I thought that was the most tragic thing in the world. This time has been easier for two reasons. One, I know that although it is sad that Hannah will grow up, it will also be lots of fun. I have the experience now of watching a child grow and know what a joy it is to see and experience. Two, I can recognize when I am genuinely sad over something and when I am just crying because thats what my body decided to do. Yesterday we went and spent the day with Dani and the kids. It was nice for Grace to have someone to play with besides us.

Speaking of Grace, she has been amazing with her baby sister. She seems to really love Hannah. She shows concern for her when she is crying and takes an active interest in most things I do with Hannah. We have been trying to keep things as normal as possible for her but I find myself letting some things slip. For instance she is only allowed to have her binkis at night but the last few days I have found myself giving in and letting her have one in the car or to calm down when she is really upset. She has been more whiny than usual this week and I wonder how much of it is her adjusting to her new life or her playing off mine and Zach's emotions. Since we have both been rather sleep deprived we have also been more irritable than normal. I wish I could know exactly what she was thinking. If she was happy about her new life, or worried, or scared. Like I said, she seems to be doing well overall but I still worry. My biggest fear about having a new baby was how it was going to effect Grace.

I find that I have forgotten many things about having a new baby. I can not remember at what point they start to develop their habits and how long we have to be in survival mode before we are setting ourselves up for failiure. Hannah likes to be held when she falls asleep and I want to do this because it is how I can get her the rest she needs (and me for that matter) but I also don't want to set myself up for always having to hold her or rock her to sleep. Also, we have her in our room in the cradle right now so that she does not disturb Grace at night but I want her to be used to sleeping in her crib so that she knows when she is put down in there, it is time for sleeping. I have tried to use swaddling as a sleep cue. The onl time I will swaddle her is when she is supposed to be sleeping, but I don't know if this is enough. Like I said, lots I do not remeber.

Well, I think that is it for now. Our first week as a family of four has been very good. I am so pleased by how normal and right it feels to be the four of us. Oh, and one last thing, Zach has a job interview at a Fab in Portland on Monday. We have known he would probably be getting a call about it for a while now because Jack had reccomended him for the position and been in contact with the engineer doing the hiring. We both have very mixed feelings about this job. On the one hand a job is necessary and he is very good at what he did. He would do well in the fab and from what we have heard the pay would be decent. Also, it is day shift on the back half of the week although unlike Hynix his week would be Wed., Thurs., Fir. and every other Saturday so we would not be losing all our weekends. (I applaud the person who came up with this schedule). The downside is that he would probably have to sign a contratc for at least two years which means he would have another two years before he could start looking into his chosen field again and may, at that point have to take a pay cut to move to a position in the IT world. The other downside is that we really do not want to move to Portland. We really like our life here in Eugene. And finally, and most concerning, is that fab life is not that safe. The chemicals are terrible, the amount of electricity is terrifying and the safety measures are sometimes less than desireable. So, yay for a job interview, but yikes for the dicsions we have coming up.